Supportive Church

"And my soul was rent with anguish..." (Mormon 6:16)  My feelings were mixed about going home. I was happy to see Sarah, who had written faithfully to me, my family and Church friends.However, as the days went by and my mission officially ended I found myself sinking deeper and deeper into depression. I became overwhelmed with feelings of guilt and despair. I truly believed that I had failed my family, my Church friends, but most of all the Lord, because I had not completed my mission. I should have prayed harder. taken better care of myself, worked harder, had more faith. I should have done something to keep going. I spent most of my days in bed sleeping and my waking hours were filled with darkness. Sarah tried to cheer me up. She had gotten a job in my home county; teaching in a small country school. However, her support and caring failed to lift my spirits. Church members visited and offered encouragement. In time I was able to go for long walks, but I still stayed away from people and did not go to Church. Eventually our kind Branch President gave me a calling I could do at home. Then some Church friends invited me to an Emotional Health Support Group which I attended briefly . In time things improved. The darkness lifted and I was better. I got a job as a night desk clerk at a motel. I went back to school and I went back to Church. Things were more normal, more joyful and hopeful. However, I never did regain the zeal I once had and began to develop the first symptoms of what some have referred to as "spiritual dyslexia". I'll explain more about that later. Nevertheless, the LDS Church (the people) helped me get back on the path of faith and I started life anew.